Kidletting with two is different. And I don't know if I've said it enough, but the huz is the very last link between me and sanity. This thought comes to me as the huz and the Squid prepare to leave me with Nubbins while they flit about the midwest, scaring themselves silly on roller coasters. What I keep pondering, while I wonder if I can successfully keep the one left to me alive, is how anyone does it either as a single parent in status or in effect (you all know someone who really does have to do it all, gets no help from the co-habitating parent--that's who I mean by in effect). The latter is the case I'm thinking of today. And while the willingness of the unhelper comes into play a great deal, so also does the control freakdom of the put-upon main laborer. In the cases where the unhelper would be willing to assist, to watch the kid(s) while the 24/7 on duty parent-bot took a walk, a hot tub, a night out, I've seen a remarkable number of the parent-bots unable to let them. And I see in this a dangerous parenting style that started long before the child(-ren) came along. If you can't trust the other parent, an adult, to Do the Right Thing with your combined DNA-gone-wild, how the hell are you gonna let go and let the kid become who s/he needs to be? The same mom who "lets" dad feed the children, anxiously hovering in the background to offer advice and who, ultimately, ends up taking over because it's not being done "right" will be the one packing for this child for his first semester of college. Pops'll get the kid fed. It may be messier. It may involve a melt-down, if a certain ritual is not followed. And Pops can deal with that, too. Amazingly, kids who get parented (really, daily stuff, the little things like learning to deal with disappointment at the dinner table to the zoo trip) learn more about how to behave. And the parent-bot can more quickly become a human adult instead of a slave-to-the-child martyr. It's hard, really hard, in it's own way. I battle every day with my control freak impulses with both children's interactions with Huz, since I of course have the whole path laid out with primroses and college degrees. But when I convince myself to step back, as I am (preen!) often successful at doing, I find he's doing something *differently than I would have* and . . . . oh, pride, watch your step! ooops . . . often better. I've found that letting the Huz fully into the process means it's (slightly) easier for me to let Squid grow into himself without me getting into the way, because I'm not under the illusion that I am his formative influence. So for those who go it alone not because they have to, nor because their co-parent doesn't want to, please back off the Type A schtick and let Parent B have a go. You'll have a happier kid, and many more opportunities for cocktails, along the way.